I think there are concepts spread out in this book that are interesting to think about and maybe build from, but using them as more of ways of justifying behavior and not taking own responsibility seems to be more of the message here. The book is based on explaining what the unconscious desires gifted children have picked up and acted on have influenced them throughout their lives, and suddenly, it makes sense why we have strong repressed desires- or that’s the message. The author, Alice Miller, is a therapist, who seems to be attempting to “sell” therapy and make those, the readers, feel victimized, and gain a trust and attachment to her by making excuses and rationalizing behaviors that, as a result, makes the readers feel safer and justified. This book seems to me, to be written as a guide for those looking for an excuse. My largest problem with this book is actually the main concept of it. While it’s convenient to claim here that a child lacks the ability to acknowledge this mechanism, the point is weakened by her not acknowledging that many adults lack the ability too- maybe it’s harder for the child to see, but I would think the adult may have a stronger will, and with that, a stronger refusal to acknowledge what he does not wish to. Many adults have protection mechanisms that make them feel better about themselves, and many adults deceive themselves for this same reason. It bothers me that Miller asserts this- that she says, with confidence, a child “cannot see through her mechanism of self-deception.” I think that’s unfair to use as a major point, because I think many adults also cannot see through their own mechanisms. Unlike the child who aims to please and whose “grandiosity” masks all failure, the adult has the chance to face “reality” and experience pain, in the moment, rather than putting it off to feel later. Here, Miller is discussing the ability to deliberately experience pain as an adult, rather than going through a cycle of disappointment, suppression, and depression. She cannot yet see through her mechanism of self-deception” (57). Miller goes on to talk about this suppression in further detail, and suggests that adults have an opportunity that children do not- she says, “A child does not yet have this possibility open to her. If we made conscious efforts to not suppress emotions, to act out the way the way we felt, to do what we wanted, would we really never feel depressed? Even there though, are we always aware of what we’re suppressing to even have the ability to recognize an emotion so as not to suppress it in the first place? I wonder, though, if it is as easy and recognizing these patterns, and adjusting and changing. It makes sense that when we suppress something, it would still be there, under the surface, waiting to get out, and could potentially bother us and cause unpleasant feelings.
Here, she is talking about depressive moods, and what brings them on. The first that I found particularly interesting, was where Miller writes, “It is easy to notice, if we pay attention, that they hit almost with regularity- whenever we suppress an impulse or unwanted emotion” (56). This book discusses a useful and interesting number of concepts.
The drama of the gifted child full#
While full of useful concepts, this book seems to blame and manipulate situations in order to victimize the child-turned-adult, creating an interesting dynamic for the readers in regards to not only their relationships with themselves, but also with the author. The Drama offers help by explaining the problems and consequences of growing up in this way, and suggestions for steps as to remove himself from the person he is not, and move towards finding his “true identity”. The book discusses the unconscious wishes of the parent being often unconsciously bestowed on the child, with the child absorbing these wishes and morphing into this different person. It’s about the child who never discovered his “true self” because he was so concerned with pleasing those around him, and the repercussions of that later in life, as an adult. The Drama of the Gifted Child, by Alice Miller, is about the child who was so aware, consciously or otherwise, of the wishes of his parents and had such a strong desire to fulfill them, that he lost track of himself and his own identity.
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